Finding Love
by musicalwithfangs
Summary: Bella and Edward have been best friends since she can remember. But then she feels something for him that might change that friendship. AH


It started as an accident.

He was supposed to be my _friend_! My friend since I tripped on him in kindergarten. My friend who gave me hugs when my first boyfriend chased after Lauren Mallory, resident bitch. My friend who held my hair out of my face while I puked my guts out when I had the flu. My friend, who I made stupid movies with to post on YouTube just to see how many views we'd get. My friend, who promised we'd be friends forever.

Yes, I guess we could still be friends. We were both adults now . . . it couldn't hurt to still be friends. Except . . . he'd be my smart, funny, caring, _gorgeous_ friend, with his sparkling green eyes, chiseled body, sexy bronze hair, beautiful smile . . .

There was nobody in the world like Edward Cullen.

I needed to stop. We were friends. I could _not_ be romantically involved with him. We knew everything about each other! It just wouldn't work.

" . . . and then he turned to me and kissed me on the cheek, and stared into my eyes again and then just walked away! I don't get it," I wailed. Alice and Rosalie, my two best friends, were nodding sympathetically on the couch while I sobbed my sorrows out to them.

Alice, who was four-foot-eleven with black, spiky hair, and Edward's little sister, put her hand on my knee. "Listen, I know my brother. He doesn't like change. He's probably into you _because_ he knows you so well."

I shook my head, but Rosalie agreed with Alice. "Bella, anyone can see that Edward has the hots for you."

"That's easy for you to say," I grumbled to her. "You're stunningly beautiful. I'm not. You'd look better with him than I would." Rosalie was dating my older brother, Emmett, while Alice and Rosalie's twin, Jasper, were apparently a thing. She wouldn't tell us yet, but we suspected.

"Bella!" Alice scolded. "You don't see yourself clearly at all. You are beautiful, too. Just in your own way."

I rolled my eyes, but let them try to cheer me up.

_"Some party this is," I moaned to Edward. He just grinned and offered me a beer, which I accepted. We were at some stupid party Mike threw together, and it sucked. Seriously._

_"Here," he shouted over the blaring music. "Let's go." He led me outside, where he sat on a stone bench, pulling me on his lap. It was cold enough that I shivered, and he wrapped his arms around me to warm me up. My heart involuntarily sped up, and I ducked my head to hide the flush that crept onto my face._

_"Bella," he whispered, and then hesitated. _

_"What?" I whispered back, knowing that we were whispering to 'keep the peace with the trees,' as Edward had so solemnly told me on a trip to a Christmas Tree Farm in seventh grade._

_He pushed me off his lap, standing upright. "Let's dance."_

_I shook my head frantically, my eyes wide. "You know I don't dance."_

_He smiled crookedly at me, and I suddenly felt light-headed. "I know. That's why I'll help you."_

_He lifted me onto his feet, so he was doing all the work. I just held on to his shoulders and laughed. _

_He lowered his head to murmur the words of the song he was dancing to in my ear. "Have I found you, flightless bird? Jealous, weeping? Or lost you, American mouth? Big pill, looming . . . "_

_My laugh faded as I rested my head on his chest, perfectly content. _

_"Bella . . . "_

_I glanced at him to see his beautiful face twisted up in agony._

_"Edward?" My voice was alarmed. "What's wrong?"_

_He gazed at me for an immeasurable amount of time. Edward was an expert at hiding his emotions, so I had no idea what was running through his head. His eyes were so intense, my breath stopped short._

_Shaking his head, he broke the trance before muttering, "I don't know if I can do this."_

_I was confused. "Do what? I don't understand, Edward!"_

_He turned away from me, taking a deep breath. Then he looked at me and leaned in slowly._

_My breath caught again, and my eyes fluttered closed as his face grew nearer and nearer to my face. He chuckled softly, then I felt his warm lips on my cheek. It wasn't the first time he'd kissed my cheek, of course, but this was the first time I'd felt anything other than comfort. This was a whole new feeling. I _wanted_ him._

_He stared deep into my eyes again, then left me standing next to the stone bench outside the Newton's home._

"I gotta broken face! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, ooh. I gotta broken face!"

I opened my eyes to the shrill sound of Pixies coming from my phone. Alice. Of course she would have programmed her ring to be Pixies. That was my nickname for her.

"Bella! Bella! You won't _believe _what I found out!"

I groaned into the phone. "Alice, couldn't it have waited two more hours?"

"Silly Bella, this is important! Get your sleepy ass over here!"

Forty-five minutes and two cups of coffee later, I was parked on Alice's bed. Rose was there, too, looking just as tired as I felt. Well, if Alice wanted us to give her our full attention, she shouldn't have woken us up so early on a Saturday, right after a party and movie night.

She was holding a small black book reverently in her hands. I recognized it instantly.

"Alice! How could you! I cannot believe you would steal that!"

"Oh, shush. You know I'm going to put it back!"

I buried my face in my hands. Alice was holding Edward's most recent journal. It was his nightly ritual, as natural as brushing his teeth. I also knew that it was the one thing he wouldn't share with anyone. Not even me.

And Alice had it.

However, as horrible as I felt, as shocked as I was that Alice would do that, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of curiosity. In that book was Edward's deepest, darkest secrets.

Alice waved the journal teasingly in front of my face. "Shall we have a look?"

Of course I was tempted, but I shook my head, glancing at Rosalie. "I'm not sure that Edward would want us going through his personal thoughts . . . "

Rosalie looked excited. "Oh, shut up, Bella. I wanna know, and I know you wanna know, too."

I sighed. "No. I don't want to see what he wrote. It's wrong." I snatched the book out of her hands, hugging it to my chest.

Alice snickered. "It's all right. I already looked."

Blinking, I stared at her. "What did it say?" The words slipped out before I could stop them.

She laughed loudly. "I thought you didn't want to know."

I groaned. "What does it say, Alice?"

"Bella," Rosalie sighed impatiently. "You're holding the damn book. Why don't you look at it?"

I stared at them accusingly, then hesitantly flipped the journal open to the ribbon marking his last entry. Which was last night.

There was only one word written in his beautiful handwriting below yesterday's date. That one word had my heart pounding and my cheeks flushed.

October 4, 2008

Bella

I had no idea what to do. Alice and Rosalie were urging me on, but what was I supposed to do? This changed everything between Edward and me, and I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted it to change.

No. Deep down, a small part of me _wanted_ Edward to lean toward me again and kiss me. And that deep down part wasn't very deep down, the more I thought about it. I wanted him.

Alice and Rose were willing to help. They decided the best thing to do was to throw a last-minute party. Two parties in one weekend was pretty wild, but if anyone could make it work, it was Alice. And work it did.

The Cullens were known for their spectacular events, and this party did not disappoint. Even though she had a little more than twenty-four hours to pull this together, Alice did it perfectly.

The Cullens' giant home had been transformed into a masquerade ballroom, complete with statues and champagne. I was impressed.

But not as impressed as I was with the dress Alice had forced me into. Long, flowing, dark blue, it hugged my body and accentuated all my assets. The mask was relatively simple, covering the top half of my face and flaring upward at the corners. It was beautiful, and I felt gorgeous in it.

Walking slowly down the Cullens' curving staircase, I couldn't stop my heart from pounding. I craned my neck, looking for his tall figure in the crowd. Where everyone had got these masquerade gowns and tuxes was beyond me, but everyone was dressed to the nines.

I'd almost given up on finding him when a pair of hands locked around my waist.

"Hey there, sexy. Come dance?" Mike Newton's mouth was by my ear, and I shuddered.

"I don't think so, Mike," I said, trying not to sound utterly revolted. "I don't feel like dancing right now."

"Just one dance," he grinned. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and attempted to squirm out of his grasp, but he held on too tight.

"Mike, let go," I ordered. He shook his head and started swaying to the music, off beat and flailing, leaning heavily on me. If he kept this up I was going to fall.

Suddenly a hand gripped Mike's shoulder. "I think she said to let her go, Newton."

Mike blinked at me, giving no sign that he'd heard Edward. "I'm gonna go get us a drink, all right Bella? I'll be right back."

I watched him in disbelief as he staggered off. A new pair of hands rested lightly on my hips, hands that I knew well. "I don't think he'll be coming back."

I turned to fully face him, and there was my saviour. Tall, muscular, gorgeous, and not wearing a mask, so I could see all of his dreamlike beauty. I blinked, trying to clear my head, then stood on my toes to whisper in his ear. "I still don't feel like dancing, and your couch is comfortable. Want to go chill upstairs?"

He rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I think you just can't get enough of my room."

Edward grabbed my hand and towed me through the crowd. I tried not to think about how wonderfully our hands fit together.

Rosalie had suggested the one thing I knew could not be true yesterday. He couldn't possibly love me. Well, we both loved each other, but in that best friend way. Or did I?

Did I love Edward, in a different way than I thought I had?

We reached his room, and I tugged off my shoes and threw myself on his black leather sofa. He followed me more slowly, then sat on the floor next to me. His hand came up, caressing my hair, before gently pulling the mask off my face.

"You look amazing tonight," he murmured.

I blushed, looking away from him. "Thanks."

We were silent then, but the silence was charged with a strange sort of electricity. I fidgeted, wondering how to break the quiet when Edward spoke.

"Bella, I – " He broke off, and I glanced at him to see he was glaring at the ceiling, one hand balled into a fist on his knee.

"Edward," I whispered. "You can tell me anything."

He stared into my eyes, and for once, he let his guard down. I could see all his emotions, everything he'd tried to hide: agony, longing, love . . .

Edward did love me.

In that split second, as he was struggling to find the words to tell me, all our years together flashed through me. And I realized the truth. Edward and I had never fallen in love. We were in love the whole time. We just hadn't realized it. And when Edward figured it out, he had no idea what to do.

My heart crashed in my chest as I said his name, quietly, as if it were a caress. "Edward. I know."

He looked at me, and I saw thirteen years of playtime stop, and a new life of love and devotion begin. I smiled at him, and wondered if he could see it, too.

Edward lifted me up, settling me next to him on the couch. I rested my head on his shoulder, listening to his breath come and go, waiting for him to start talking.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed. "I don't even know how to say this."

I placed my hand tenderly on his cheek. "Don't talk. Feel."

And I leaned in and kissed him.

His response was immediate and enthusiastic, but impossibly gentle at the same time. Our hands tangled in each other's hair, and we gasped for breath. Our lips fit perfectly together, and a fire smoldered through my body.

Pulling away, panting heavily, I stared at him through lidded eyes. Suddenly, I wanted Edward, in a way that I'd never wanted anyone else. I wanted to feel his bare skin against mine. I wanted to hear him murmur my name in breathless ecstasy. I wanted to see him lost in passion caused by me.

I leaned back so that I was laying down on the wide couch, and pulled him on top of me. "Edward," I groaned. "Please . . . "

His eyes were dark with desire as he captured my lips again, holding his body so that his weight wouldn't crush me, but that I could feel every bit pressed against mine.

His mouth moved to my neck, and he ran his tongue along the pulse point, licking softly at the skin. His teeth scraped across my collarbone, earning him a drawn-out moan. I clutched his silky hair desperately, trying to hold on to any amount of reason.

Good Bella was telling me to stop this. He is your best friend! You don't have sex with your best friend!

He _was_ my best friend, Bad Bella whispered tantalizingly., But not anymore. Now, he is something different. Something more. Something that makes your heart race deliciously when you think about it. You _want_ him.

"God, Bella," Edward muttered. "You have _no_ idea – " He broke off, cursing as I ground my hips into his.

"You were saying?" I nuzzled his ear.

"You have no idea how much I want you right now," he growled.

I felt a surge of heat flash through my stomach, and my head tipped back, bowing under the onslaught of emotions. He attacked the exposed skin of my throat, kissing and sucking on the flesh roughly.

My hands flew into action, traveling down his face and shoulders to the buttons of his shirt, almost ripping them open in my haste. He yanked his arms out of it, throwing it to the ground, before grasping my waist. I trailed my hands over his toned muscles, marveling at the smooth hardness of them.

Suddenly, I was standing up, holding onto him for support as we stumbled to the bed on the other side of the room. My fingers fumbled on his belt, while his hands hesitated on the zipper of my dress.

"Wait, Bella," he whispered. "Do you really want to do this?"

I stared up at him in frustration, then sighed. "Edward, I don't think I've wanted anything more."

He chuckled at my impatience. "Not even the pony you wanted for Christmas when you were eight?"

I pressed my mouth to his, twining my legs sinuously around his. "Shut up," I muttered against his lips.

He slowly, torturously pulled the zipper down the back of my dress, and I had a moment to be grateful for the sexy lingerie Alice had forced me into before it was pooling to the floor around my feet.

His hands burned my bare waist as he lifted me, letting my feet lock around his torso. This action pressed our hips together, and we gasped at the sensation.

He laid me gently on the bed, then unbuttoned his pants and sent them flying across the room.

I was slightly scared. I'd never seen Edward so . . . dark. His green eyes smoldered with lust and love, and his features were arranged in an expression of intense concentration and bliss.

I was nervous, too, because I'd never done anything like this before. Sex hadn't ever been a priority for me, thought Rosalie had assured me it was the best thing in the world. I'd never needed that. Until now.

But I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't know how to please a man. It was a completely foreign language that I was now having to improvise.

On the other hand, I knew Edward had never had sex, either. He was just as inexperience as I was, and he was making me feel pretty damn good.

That made me feel a little better as he ground our hips together, sweeping his hand over my stomach and up to my breasts. He hesitantly touched me, then more and more boldly as I reacted strongly to his nimble fingers.

He stroked my breasts through my bra, until I guided his hands around my back. "God, Edward, just _take it off _already."

He smiled crookedly, then pulled the dark blue bra away from my chest. I simultaneously gasped and moaned, watching him look at me. I struggled to gain some sort of coherency.

"Edward," I rasped. "I need you. Now. Please."

I'd felt his arousal for a while now, and knew he wanted me, too. With stunning speed, he tore off his boxers and my panties, resting his hips between my legs.

Edward braced his hands on either side of my head, resting his forehead on mine. "Bella," he murmured, and all the love in the world was in his voice. "Are you ready?"

I couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but kiss him, hoping he got the message. Apparently he did, because he gently pushed himself into me. We both gasped, but for different reasons.

All Edward felt was ecstasy, blissful exhilaration as he sank deeper ad deeper, coming closer to me than ever before. I could see his glorious face, almost severe with the depth of his emotion.

All I felt was pain, a sharp rip that traveled through my body, attacking my nerves until I cried out. Instantly, he dropped his head, kissing my face softly, murmuring in my ear.

"Ssh, Bella, it's okay. It'll be fine, I promise."

And it was. The pain was fading, being replaced by something so wonderfully amazing that I could only stare at him stupidly.

"Bella?" I could see the strain in is face, I knew how hard this was for him to stay still, and I loved him all the more for it.

It felt like I was looking at him from very far away as I dazedly nodded. "I'm fine," I felt my mouth say, but I couldn't hear the words. I was so lost in the pleasure.

The pleasure that intensified exponentially as he flexed his hips, slowly moving within me. It was indescribable, but I selfishly wanted more.

So I bucked my hips up to meet his, biting down on his shoulder at the same time. Too late, I realized my teeth had gone through the skin, and the taste of blood filled my mouth. Fortunately, it didn't bother me, and he didn't seem to notice.

He moved faster, spurred on by my encouragement. I sensed something coming, something that I wanted. I needed to feel what I was sure I would feel when all this rushing sensation exploded.

And explode it did. My eyes were filled with a starry light, and I couldn't see anything but the bright lights and Edward, Edward's face, shining at me through a sea of brilliance, blinding me to everything but the beauty of the moment and the feelings and _him_.

I was vaguely aware of the sounds I was making, but I was too lost to care or feel embarrassed. He was groaning, random bits of nothing flying out of his mouth. He looked at me, straight into my soul, and I started paying attention to what he was saying. "Bella, Bella, my Bella, I love you, Bella." The words became a chant as the sensations impossibly grew stronger.

He pulled my body on top of his when we'd come down to earth, and I sagged against his chest, utterly exhausted.

"Wow," I murmured, my lips forming the words in his skin.

His chest was heaving. "Yeah. Wow."

I fought to keep my eyes open. I was just so tired, from my long day, from my epiphany, from the sex . . . But I couldn't let my eyes close. It seemed like a sin to not see the utter perfection that was Edward.

He held me close, tracing random lines on my back. I shifted, and noticed the marks on his shoulder.

"Oh, dammit, I'm sorry Edward!"

He laughed. "Bella, relax. It's okay."

"Okay?" I squeaked. "I _bit_ you!"

He ran his hand through my hair. "I didn't even feel it until you brought it up."

I collapsed back onto him, relieved. "What will your sister think?"

At this he laughed in earnest. "Alice actually warned me to be careful of my left shoulder. I completely forgot about that till now."

"She's psychic, I swear," I grinned. My smile faded as I replayed the evening in my head.

As if he knew what I was thinking, Edward buried his face in my hair. "I love you, Bella. So much."

A wave of rightness spread through me as I whispered, "I love you, too, Edward."

He took a deep breath of satisfaction, then reached for the remote to his stereo on his nightstand. He hit play, and the sweet notes spun around us.

_We'll do it all, everything, on our own._

_We don't need, anything, or anyone._

_If I lay here, if I just lay here,_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

I kissed his bare chest. "Just forget the world," I whispered. "I love you." I had to repeat the words. They felt so right.

He held me tighter to him. "As I love you."

And for the moment, everything was right.


End file.
